We live in a harsh world, in regards to expectations and societal pressures. We are constantly being told how we need to act, what we need to wear, who we should look like…etc, etc, etc. With the constant flow between media and reality, it can sometimes feel like a wave crashing down on you and you summersault across the ocean floor being a slave to the ever moving tide. Well, I do at least. But, the Lord makes all things new in His timing and this is the season of newness.
Through changing circumstances, including living situation, relationship status, economic status, etc., expectations and reality are always factors to consider. But what we often don't take into account is what we are bringing to the table. Our beliefs. Through the new stages, I'm learning that I'm sitting on a throne of lies (cue clip from "Elf" regarding Santa being a fraud reeking of meat and cheese). There are so many lies I've heard growing up, some deliberately spoken and others picked up due to circumstantial evidence (terminology nerd alert), but regardless of how I acquired them, they are there coloring my lenses, fogging my glasses, skewing my view, and any other way you would like to refer to the distortion of identity. However, God is not a passive God when it comes to sin (Romans 12:9-21 shouts loudly in my head). We are called to be free, new creations, and redeemed. God doesn't want us pounding ourselves to a pulp because we don't measure up to some fabricated image displayed wherever possible. He doesn't want us bashing ourselves when we can't be the superstar mom and wife, while running an extremely successful business, while canning our own food, and sewing our own clothes (not to bash if any of you out there are that amazing! More power to you!). God wants us to have a new identity. After all, we have been adopted into the family and are now heirs of the throne.
Now for those of you extreme black and white thinkers, such as myself, this doesn't mean we run to the other end of the world and act like we are the best thing since sliced bread (who deemed that as the most pivotal moment in time?). We need to know our identity, walk in humility, and whenever a lie is exposed REBUKE THAT MESS! Seriously, get that junk out of you in the name of Jesus and shut that door behind you. Now, some of you may have just stopped reading because I went a bit Charismatic on you, but for your sake and freedom, I hope that your curiosity, or need of completion, will compel you to carry on with the post.
We all have baggage! Not one of us is above it. We live in a fallen world, where bitterness loves company, complaining is the norm, and criticism/comparison are the oil that keeps this messed up machine operating. Not one of us has gone unscathed by society and I've noticed the cleaner you look on the outside, often the more jacked up you are on the inside. Afterall, if people don't notice your mess does it really need to be acknowledged? YES! Do you know why? Because if people don't notice the mess, it's still there and it's affecting you. Who cares if others notice or not, doesn't it matter that you know it's there? Don't you have enough worth in yourself to care whether your identity is truly yours or just what you've been taught? ok.ok. Let me step down from this mighty high box I've climbed up on.
Now, some of you might be crying because your toes just got stepped on (hopefully not nearly as painful as a toe stub, but nevertheless uncomfortable), but just know, as I stated earlier, NOBODY goes unscathed. I'm just as messed up, broken, full of lies and distortions, and needing an identity check as my fellow neighbor (probably even more so, but I'm going to boost my ego a bit and put us equal for the time being because I don't want to steal the underdog vote). The only thing that may be different is that I am tired of living in lies. I'm tired of having excuses to fall back on, people to blame, fears to comfort my lack of commitment, and having a plan B. Seriously, I want to live wide open.
Well, that is until I started. Let me tell you something, dealing with the baggage and letting go of all the things that can be used as safety nets is one of the most terrifying, and freeing, experiences that I daily walking through (note that I am using a gerund here because it is a continual process that will probably take a lifetime to achieve, especially knowing how much power I've given to the lies over the years). There are many days I want to run back to my lies, cozy up and just take a nap (not equating naps to sin) and many days I want to be able to shift the blame for my miscommunication, lateness, insensitivity, or any other failing I may have exhibited. However, there is this little fire deep within my soul, that was placed there by the Lord, that tells me it's worth the fight. It's worth being uncomfortable when you know your conscious is clear. It's worth knowing that if someone bashes you, your identity is not changed. It's worth knowing that who I am, even if I'm weird or awkward, is me; not societies version of me, not my families version of me, not my cliques version of me, but me in raw form. Now, part of me wants to rebuke that it's easier to be rejected for who you aren't than for who you are, and I can totally understand that, but I will retaliate to that thought (I sound like a crazy person by this point) with this response: Do you really want to look back, satisfied because your true identity has never been critiqued or tarnished with rejection, and realize that the same identity was never really loved or accepted? The good comes with the bad and the bad comes with the good. Just like love, it's better to love openly and risk being broken then to live in a hollow shell and never truly experience love. Well, at least in my opinion, but who am I but one voice in this mixed up world. Why not look within and see what you think.
