Orphanage Trip

This morning, I was able to go an visit a local orphanage. Well, it wasn't too local, but rather about an hour outside of the city. However, I was glad that I went.

After hearing different rumors, stories, and seeing peoples reactions that have gone to the orphanages around these areas, I wasn't quite sure what to expect. In all honesty, I thought the place would be dirty and smelly. It was neither of these things.

The building was in good repair, relatively new to the naked eye, and the children seemed to be in good spirits. I didn't quite know where to go, considering all the kids, but decided to start in the nursery. Can we talk about cute overload? The babies were so precious and cuddly. I was sad that I didn't speak Mandarin, but I spoke to them anyways, shook rattles with them, and will be praying that they will be adopted soon enough. I couldn't believe how small one of the babies was. It had only been there two days and looked to be nearly a brand new newborn!

After the babies, I followed a friend into a different room. The room consisted of 4 children who were bed-ridden. Most of the children have special needs, and these were extreme cases. One of the children was born without eyes, another seemed to struggle with his breathing, and all were unable to speak. I usually am a little put-off by severe special needs…not because I am judging them, but rather because I don't really know how to respond and am a little nervous about the unpredictability in their responses/actions. However, I stayed in there the remainder of the time and just sang to them. Another person that came with us, joined in with a guitar and it was very sweet. Of course I prayed for them and sang them 'this little light of mine' and I hope that even though they weren' table to fully respond, that they knew they were loved and cared for.

Having the heart and dream to start orphanage/schools one day, it is always good to see how they are successfully run. I never really took into consideration the possibility of special needs children needing care as well, but it seems to be very needed, at least in this particular orphanage.

Though the orphanage is different than one I would like to run, I am grateful to have seen it, met the sweet children, and plan on returning (hopefully on a regular basis) to establish a relationship with the children and staff. Yet another reason to work hard on my mandarin lessons :)

A Full Heart

Today has been the most encouraging day here. Honestly, I needed a day like today! Having been sick for the last week, while at the same time hitting the "what am I still doing in here" portion of my transition, I have been a bit on the weary side. I adore living in China and I know it's where I am called, it's just part of that transition that makes you want to say, "Really?" nearly every 5 seconds because the culture that runs through your veins is colliding with a new culture in which I've been emmersed. And by 'collided', of course I really am referring to that horrific traffic accident that you know you really shouldn't look at when you drive by, but it's so horrific you just can't tear your eyes away, so naturally you drive 2 miles per hour just to get the full scenic perspective creating a domino effect of endless, rage-enducing traffic. Ok, this MAY be an exaggeration, but you get the idea.

As my two cultures are colliding causing the earthquake of my century, I feel miserably sick and I don't care who you are, when you are sick all you want is something familiar that feels like home and then on top of that, my birthday is creeping closer and closer, reminding me that I will not be sharing it with those I love the most.

Ok Ok enough of the whining right? Well, seriously, I don't think I have felt more loved and appreciated like I did today. Being someone who doesn't receive love well (I am learning!), words and gifts are the easiest ways to lift my spirit (hint hint … haha only kidding…kinda ;) ) Having only been here a little over a month, I didn't expect much in regards to my birthday, plus who really knows me enough to get me gifts that even speak to who I am. Well, I was wrong. Throughout the entire day, I was handed notes of encouragement, words of wisdom, tokens of joy and cuteness, and little things that said I was thought of and appreciated. It really was quite overwhelming (in a good and humbling way). And if I never hear the birthday song again, I wouldn't miss it ;)

Anyways, I know that today was a day of abundant encouragement. I know that though the people I am around were the vessels used to display that love, in the end I believe that everything today was a way to encourage my soul and remind me of why I came here in the first place. That even when everything is shift and nothing is normal, I can stand and rest on the rock of my salvation who will always love me with an unwavering love and will never leave me (even if my circumstances might suggest otherwise). Thankful for the reminder and a chance to see the body love well.
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Tonight, I was also thrown a celebratory party where I was able to select the theme and what better than 'saying goodbye to the 20s in the 20s'? Not only was it nice to see all those that came out (and after a long work week for most), but it was also awesome to see how many people were willing to join in my love of themed parties and dress out for the occasion! Plus, a friend remembered that I mentioned wanting to try rabbit and ended up giving me one (already cooked) as my birthday gift (probably the most hilarious, unexpected, and most memorable gifts I will ever get). Not only was it a shock to the party planning crew when I asked for a plate to display my new gift, but it was also a great talking point of the night. And it was delicious! Here's to a new decade of life!


 (p.s. both of the pictures eating rabbit are staged and nobody ate the rabbit after these pictures…however, I love how ridiculous the picture on the right is)

obedience and contentment

How are we to couple these two ideas? So often, obedience is regarded with the lenses of obligation rather than joy. I have come to realize this in recent days. I obey my calling because I believe in the one who called me, but sometimes I am merely operating out of pure obedience. Please don't misinterpret this as a post again obedience. As children, and heirs, I am called to obey the one in whom I serve, but obedience is much more than an action. Well, intellectually I understand this, but often I forget that true obedience is heart of surrender and joy, it's more than just a choice or an action, but rather a willingness (or at least it should be). Where has my heart gone? How did I become this person that loves what I believe and wants to continually go deeper, but has lost the excitement knowing I am guided/directed by the same one that stood in my place, sacrificing their own life, that I  might know truth and freedom?

So, let me rewind and give you a little backstory to the present time. I moved to SC for education purposes and didn't quite love it for some time. I wasn't used to living and dwelling amongst all those that believed the same as myself (which I thought might have been pretty cool) only to realize that amongst this crowd I felt more like the black sheep than part of the flock (this changed a bit as time passed and I began to allow myself to be vulnerable). To be perfectly honest, some fellowships are a bit stifling for the soul, but that is another day and another topic.

Anyways… my heart has always been to live overseas. There were days that I was so restless that I would cry out for countless hours to be sent. A cry of desperation, frustration, and honestly annoyance. Why am I still in the states? Why am I not being sent? Why is my time being wasted? Aren't the laborers few? I couldn't understand what was taking so long and why my debt was continually piling up in the process.

Well, the same thing is quickly surfacing here. I am literally living my dream to dwell in another country, learn the language and culture, and befriend those from the country. But in the process, I've found myself comparing my circumstances. Now, I know I have an awesome job, and amazing group to work with, impressively compassionate and supportive leadership, not to mention a great view :) But, there has been what seemed like a restlessness bubbling to the surface, closer with each day, brinking on the point of boiling over for the last week or so. Why am I teaching such young kids? Why don't my kinds know the basics? Why am I wasting my life repeating the endless letter sounds with aggravating repetition? I know I am called to live in China, I know I am called to work while I work, I know I am to have a joy deep within my heart, and yet I wrestled, day after day, hour after hour, minute after minute.

It wasn't until last night that I realized that it isn't my position that I'm unsatisfied with (don't get me wrong - an amazing 3rd grade classroom like at my prior school would be quickly welcomed) but rather the fact that I am sad. I miss my family. I miss my home. I miss my fellowship and friends. I desperately want to reach out an hug those I love most, with a tear streaked face to be amongst those that know me (all the sorrow, broken and healed areas, my struggles and failings, and my biggest dreams) where I can just sit and my soul rests because we are past the foundation stage of friendship. I would give nearly anything to be laying on my bed, giggling with my mom and sister about some ridiculous pin on pinterest. And with each deepening longing, I began to hear my self explaining that I am here out of obedience to what I was told to do. FALSE…well, true, but that is not the whole truth.

Yes, I was told to come to China. I know with my whole heart that this is where I am suppose to be and that I will more than likely be here for an extended time. But, I also have forgotten that I am given the opportunity to live my dreams (how often does that happen). I get to make a difference in the lives of these young impressionable minds, and I get paid to do it. What was really sadness and a longing for those I love most dearly, was outletting itself as discontentment and quite frankly complaining.

Well, lucky for me, I serve a father who's desire is to pull me out of where I am and see life through a difference pair of lenses. I picked up my Bible and started to read where I had left off : Numbers. The story was about the Israelites that had been freed from slavery and though their needs were being met daily, they were discontent because it was seemingly neverending and uncomfortable. hmmm…am I complaining? Am I just like these Israelites?

Well, not too long after that, I went to a meeting for work and sure enough the service was about the exact same passage. Ok Ok … maybe just a coincidence, right? WRONG

If I remember correctly, i also encountered it another place, but the message was clear. Here I am with all my needs met and here I am complaining that things look different than in America and that i am only teaching out of obedience. However, this isn't the case. Some days I truly love being a teacher and others, I wonder what my true calling is.

As for now, I am called to teach first grade. I can be a light and a beacon for those lost at seas. Also, I need to spend time in the word more and less on small things (like reaching the next level. I am grateful that though my heart isn't always into the decision, that my life appears to be one of obedience, however, I will be asking that my heart catches up with my heart. I will continue to draw close to my father and seek his guidance in all I do.

Today, was the first day of joy in what seems like forever, where the veil of distraction has been lifted to reveal my misplaced frustration. God is always  faithful, even when I'm not. And I'm grateful for the start of what i hope to be a Spirit of complete surrender and praise.

Spilling Over

Yesterday was such a blessing in my life. I feel full to the brim with depth and am grateful for His willingness to take me deeper, even in the midst of figuring out a body in which I fit and can thrive in the giftings I've been granted.

Yesterday, I had the chance to sit with some good friends and just talk about our Father. We talked about the craving for more, the ability to live with open hands and to truly run the race provided for us. I randomly thought about something that was impressed on my heart awhile back while I was reading The Brothers Karamazov - which goes a lot deeper than one may think. I remember thinking [hmmm if we are called to love the widows and orphans and He is always referring to himself as our bridegroom and father, then would that be loving those who have walked away from the faith and those that haven't been adopted as heirs to the King yet? And if that is the case, wouldn't that mean, that we are truly called to love everyone - which basically is the Good News?]. Don't get me wrong, I think we are literally called to take care of the widows and the orphans, but when has He ever been simple and only one-dimentional?  So, I shared this thought with my friends and it was crazy because my friend said he had just pulled up a video for me to watch and it spoke a lot of the same things (I've added the video in case anyone wanted a reference…plus it's just so good and done so well artistically).

Well, after I left there, I came home to begin planning lessons for the week.  So, I'm sitting on my couch, trying to pump out some lesson plans in hopes that I can get a somewhat decent night of sleep, and I was just blown away while reading the story of Noah. Here's what came to me:

The ark was a place of protection for Noah and his family that guarded them from the wrath to come and after the flood was over, Noah gave an offering of praise for the protection.
The ark of the covenant was also a form of protection. If it went with the people of Israel, then there was a protection.
Well, isn't this what JC is? Isn't he our ark. Aren't we covered by his sacrifice to navigate the sea of a fallen world, only to praise him upon our arrival at the pearly gates. Isn't this just another picture of the Good News?

Then, I was reading about the rainbow (which so tragically has been "claimed" to represent something quite different from the original purpose, but I'm "claiming" it back for what it really stands for which is a promise)

Anyways, so my teacher's edition (basically the lifeline of a teacher) had this short quick sentence about rainbows. A rainbow is just the sunshine hitting the rain at the perfect angle to display the different colors of the rainbow. And then I thought again [Doesn't He refer to himself as the light, and aren't we always in the storm of life, and at His perfect timing (angle), He shines through and demonstrates His promises? Isn't that just another part of the Good News - that hope comes in the morning, light shines in the darkness, and he is faithful to fulfill His promises? ]

Dang dang dang. Talk about a bucket spilling over.