Abundant Joy

I was blessed with the opportunity to go to a conference this past week. I remember a time when I would gripe and complain about my time being wasted and having to sit around for long hours listening to someone blab on about something I cared nothing about… can you tell the Lord has also been working on my attitude over the last couple of years?  

Anyway, I really enjoy conferences now and have learned that I can meet a lot of amazing people, learn a lot of good things if I choose my sessions well, and typically get a free vacation in a new city in the process. Well, I've been to Beijing before, but still. 

I was looking forward to learning many new things about teaching and interacting with the culture around me, but honestly, my heart was longing for something much more. I wanted depth, needed it in fact, and the Lord provided abundantly, as usual. 

I remember walking into the first large group event, late like usual, to hear worship being sung. Now, I come from a background of church experiences, where contemporary music is the norm, and likely the newest artists were the beacons of light to be followed. So when I moved to China, I was no longer engulfed by favorites, but rather thrown back in time to songs I sang in my middle schools days. I'm not making fun of the music or trying to put it down, but being someone who's heart is always singing praise, it was a bit of a transition. All I could do was stand there and praise the one who went before me and ironically, in the praise/prayer, missed part of the singing portion, but that's not what worship is solely about anyway. It was awesome to see hands raised, hearts abandoned, and a unity of like minded souls surrendering their lives to the one they call King. I cried out of gratefulness. I could feel the Spirit washing over me, telling me I was loved and adored, and that He knows what I need. 

Afterwards, a stateside visitor came to speak to the group regarding truth and life. He was given a specific passage to teach on. In the middle of the talk, the leader switched gears and transitioned into a new passage and my heart leapt for joy. My life verses…seriously. Romans 12:9-21 were being discussed and I could hear myself audibly agreeing with the teacher after nearly every statement. 

Love is genuine. AMEN

Do not be slothful in zeal. AMEN

Rejoice in hope AMEN

Patient in tribulation AMEN

Constant in prayer AMEN AMEN AMEN

Whew. Talk about being dunked in a pool. I was no longer being washed by the Spirit, but I was being completely immersed. Tears of thankfulness, renewal, and reflection ran down my cheeks. I had become so weary from the grief of transition and occupied by the distractions of life that I had forgotten about zeal and hope. I relied on talking to friends instead of talking to God. Not to mention that I was quick to gripe rather than live in patience. As I sat there, questions kept coming to my mind:

Why am I here in China?

When did my salvation become ordinary?

Have I forgotten my first love?

Where has my zeal gone? 

I remember writing down prayers like steps being directed and a renewed vision. It was a time of repentance and rejuvenation, as well as a time of filling. I sat there, listening to the words of the speaker but something much greater was happening. My heart was beating to an old familiar rhythm. The color was slowly returning to my life. I remembered why I was here and that in the process of this thing called life, I was reminded that our obligations and every day tasks are not meant to steal our joy or be just something to do. Rather, in all things and at all times we are representing what we believe. We are being the light that is so desperately needed and as an act of gratefulness and worship, we should live every aspect, even the things we may not see the purpose in, in excellence. Amen?