The hostage

Life has been a bit insane over the last week and a half. With the transition into the new culture being bombarded with the transition into a new job position, let's just say a lot has gone by the wayside. I think the transition in the culture might actually be a bit easier of one than the school transition. I think that the school feels very familiar and then I assume that it will be a lot like home, but it really is quite different. Emails are checked throughout the day rather than in the morning and after school. The students I teach are somewhere between both of the the levels I have experience with. I've never really taught literacy/reading and I have never taught first graders. Let's just say I'm a bit in the weeds and my pride has taken a major beating.

I think it's funny how I never seem to be able to do anything in little spurts but rather am typically placed in a situation where everything happens all at once.

I just keep reminding myself that I know I am suppose to be here. I don't have to be perfect. Apologize when I have not met expectations. And have grace (especially on myself). PHEW. Can I get a gasp of air please? :)
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So, the hostage thing. We were told that living overseas has key transitions. They are the four F's. Fun (honey moon stage), Flight (retreat to the familiar), Fight (feels like you are being help hostage) and Fun. I could have totally botched these, but this is what stuck. I heard the transitions come in waves and different things can place you back on the cycle, but as for now, I feel a bit like a hostage. I know I am meant to be here. I know that I am in transition, but there are times, like tonight, where I just wanted to pack my bags and get back on the plane headed home. I wanted to hug my friends, go deep with unfiltered rawness, snuggle up on my sisters couch, curl up in my room at my mom's house (with her right there beside me), and just bask in normalness. Where I had a routine and confidence in my abilities to maneuver the world surrounding me. I just miss home.

It will get better and the fun times have been scattered throughout, but at this moment, I am officially homesick.

on a more positive, exciting note: I start my chinese lessons tomorrow :)